I am an advocate for starting small if small is what one is. The idea of waiting forever to achieve excess wealth before doing the important things in life does not guarantee the success of it, it does not even guarantee the wealth. The only thing it guarantees is lost time. That’s you waking up one day and realizing your 50th birthday is in a few days but you are still waiting for the big break before settling down.
Having said that, it is not enough to start out without the basic ability to cater for the family created, at least that should be the mindset.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always follow our plans. You can plan all you want but when life throws challenges at you, a seemingly foolproof plan starts to look like an irresponsible one. People? those ones don’t care how good you planned it, what they see is what they judge. “Your guy no go work today?” and then they snigger right in your face or even ask you “bros you dey leave?”
This is where most men break. Go back in and break down in thoughts, others not so emotionally strong, in tears.
I promise you, being redundant is arguably the worst thing that can happen to a man who sees himself as a husband or head of a home.
Which of the issues do you want to address? is it the fact that you cannot actualize your dreams? or the fact that you cannot even be asked for the most basic of necessities? Okay make that one group.
Is it the people assuming you are irresponsible or the ones saying your wife has locked you down under (switched your “Saturday” with a “Sunday”),make that another group.
Is it families and in laws who strip you of respect because you are “stingy”, broke or both? make that a third group.
These are externals and very small compared to the internal issues you actually do live with starting with your mind and your head, then to the new arrangement in the home. If you are a bit lucky at least you can have a wife that’s providing, if you are not as lucky,she’s at home with you piling the pressure. Forget maturity, patience and love, this situation will test you till it gets a failure out of you. Tempers will flare and a union built of love will become a trap.
Most people, including maybe you reading will ask why anybody got married without a job. Some do and even though I strongly condemn it, you really cannot grasp the decisions of a person until you have walked the same shoes in the same instance and parameters. But majority did not get married without a job, they got married with a job which was lost, something quite unfortunate given this appears to happen a lot before the plan to settle the wife down gets implemented. A pair that decides to settle down together and start small on the income of one will always have my respect because it is not an easy thing to do. We say this is surely better than waiting endlessly until that one job is lost and the same people applauding, start to condemn what they thought was a worthy example.
The people going through this have it rough already, what will it profit you to make it worse with your harsh words? If you cannot help, then learn what you have to from it and leave them in peace. It is even worse as some dare not share their situations for the fear of toxic words that will hit them back so they stay quiet, missing out on those actually able and willing to help.
If you are in this situation, you need to be strong as it is not going to be easy but that’s not a problem if you tell yourself you were born to be tougher than this situation. These words will not become food in your stomach and they will not pay the fees of your children but they will let you know that all you need to keep going on already lies within you.
Keep believing, keep praying and don’t give up but while you are doing that, see this as an opportunity to be mentally constructive. The CVs can keep going out but there are other ways. No morally good job is too small if you maintain your focus (ask some of the people abroad).
Finally, understand, that through thick and thin, you cannot afford to lose your sense of humor. Garri without sugar for breakfast? laugh at yourself and enjoy the moment then “travel” the garri and make it swell. If you are blessed with someone who stays with you, you’ll discover the biggest secret of marriage. “Money has very little to do with marital happiness”.